


attempt #218

by dearzoemurphy



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt 218, Bisexual Eleanor Shellstrop, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Lesbian Tahani Al-Jamil, TGP fans you guys get it, kinda an AU?? but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-09-26 21:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17149139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearzoemurphy/pseuds/dearzoemurphy
Summary: “this is your soulmate, Tahani”what happened next couldn’t have been predicted by anyone, least of which the unsuspecting Eleanor Shellstrop.y’all already know it’s an attempt #218 fic, starts off with smooth sailing but don’t worry, the rough patches are coming.





	1. i will call you darlin’

**Author's Note:**

> hell yea my first TGP fic!! I love Eleanor and Chidi together but I love these two just as much so bam here’s some content hope you enjoy!!

“This is your soulmate, Tahani,” Michael said as he gestured towards the tall brunette leaning against the doorway, doing his best to hide his glee. This was a plan he hadn't even considered until now, but it was almost perfect. The two of them made each other miserable enough when they simply knew each other, much less when they were forced to live together.

“Hey, soulmate! Bring it in!” Eleanor exclaimed, holding her arms out for a hug.

Tahani wrinkled her nose as she sauntered into the room, letting her hand linger on the doorframe. “I don't usually hug strangers, my good friend and pseudo-scientist Gwyneth Paltrow says it can throw off the natural aura, but I suppose I can make an exception for my new soulmate,” she prefaced before cheerfully throwing her arms around the blonde girl.

Eleanor laughed slightly uncomfortably as Tahani squeezed her and rubbed her back. “Your hugs are amazing,” she mumbled.

The dark haired girl let her go with a last tight squeeze and beamed, clasping her hands together. “I know, I once won the “Best Hugger” award at a party thrown by the Hemsworths. I dated two of them in the past, so it was a slightly awkward holiday function, but nothing I couldn't handle,” she said, slightly smugly.

Eleanor’s jaw dropped. “Two Hemsworths?! And I'm your true soulmate? I'm so sorry, you definitely got the short end of the stick here,” the blonde joked, rubbing the back of her neck.

Tahani gasped. “Oh, darling, I got no such short end! I know we just met, but I know we are totes going to be a wonderful match,” she reassured, reaching out to take her soulmate’s hands, “if Michael says we are meant to be, then we are definitely meant to be.”

Eleanor gave a weak smile as Michael flashed them both a devilish grin.

“Well, I know you two have a lot you’ll want to talk about, so I'll leave you to it. Remember the welcome party is tonight at your next door neighbor’s mansion in two hours,” he prodded, waving a hand in the air and accentuating the word “mansion”. He knew living in the tiny shared space would drive Tahani absolutely crazy, especially since she was placed right next to her usually beloved mansion.

“Thank you so much Michael, Eleanor and I will be perfectly punctual,” Tahani replied, turning towards the white haired man and lacing one of her hands with one of Eleanor’s.

The blonde woman blushed. “Yeah! We're gonna do so much talking and…and…so much partying!” she added lamely, attempting to contribute to the conversation.

Michael grinned. “Remember, if you need anything at all, just call for Janet or I and we’ll make sure you're taken care of. After all, you're in the Good Place,” he said in an unsettling tone as he pushed out the door and clicked it shut behind him.

Tahani squeezed Eleanor’s hand. “So, soulmate, shall we take a tour of our abode?” she asked, gesturing to their surroundings.

“Uh, sure! I, um, okay, can I level with you first? You're like, the hottest person I've ever met and now I guess you're my soulmate? So I don't even know how to fully process this, and I'm ready to get to know you better but I've never been able to have an entirely successful relationship, so this is kind of scary, because I have something I need to tell you-” Eleanor started.

She was interrupted by Tahani leaning down to plant a kiss on her forehead. “You don't need to worry your pretty little head about anything right now, darling. We have all the time in the world to talk everything out later. First let's tour our new house!” the tall brunette reassured, capping it off with a gentle boop of Eleanor’s nose.

Eleanor blushed and laughed nervously. “Alright, whatever you say!” she agreed, pushing the thought to the back of her mind.

Tahani suddenly dropped her hand and wandered over to the front corner of the room. “Eleanor…darling, why is there an entire nook of clown paintings?” she asked, a touch horrified.

“Oh…” the blonde woman trailed off, “we can totally take all of those down and that would not bother me at all,” she said sincerely, stressing how content she would be without them.

“Oh no, if they make you happy, we’ll leave them up,” Tahani said quickly, clasping her hands together.

Eleanor made her way over to the nook. “How about…we take down all of these…” she suggested, gesturing to most of the wall, “and leave up this one?”

Tahani tried to hide her excitement, but nodded vigorously. “Wonderful compromise, dear,” she agreed, beginning to help her soulmate lift the paintings off of the wall.

After most of the worst offenders had been taken care of, Eleanor glanced to the other side of the room. “There's another giant one over there, I'm 100% okay with taking that one down too if you want to help me,” she proposed, waving across the room to the almost life sized mural of dancing clowns hung next to their dining room table.

The taller woman let out an involuntary shriek of horror. “Yes, absolutely, darling, no offense but that may be the most realistically terrifying piece of art I have ever laid eyes on,” she said candidly.

Eleanor grinned as they ran over to the painting and assumed a position on either side of it.

“Okay, on three. One…two…three,” she counted before they lifted the painting and immediately dropped it, causing it to tear as it caught onto the nails in the wall.

“Ooo, I'm sorry about that, dear,” Tahani apologized.

“Oh, this is more than okay. I think there's a fire pit out on our patio that we can burn it in,” Eleanor suggested.

“That does sound delightful. But can we go find it later? I want to locate our sleeping quarters first,” the dark haired girl proposed.

“Oh, yeah! Good idea,” the blonde agreed.

They went in opposite directions, Eleanor wandering a few steps front of them to an opening in the wall where she spotted a bed.

“Is there just the one bedroom?” Eleanor asked, wandering over to the open room.

Tahani came back from the other direction and joined her soulmate in gazing at the room. “There looks to be a hallway to the left of the kitchen, so there may be another. Would that be a problem, though?” she asked innocently.

“Oh no, not at all! I love sleeping with beautiful women. I mean, I love beautiful women. I mean-” Eleanor sputtered.

The dark haired woman smirked and tossed her hair over one shoulder. She said nothing as they walked over to the raised platform the room was on.

“How are we supposed to get up there? Are there no stairs?” the blonde woman asked, squinting.

“Wait, hold on a second,” Tahani said, stepping forward and kicking her foot swiftly underneath the raised edge of the platform. They heard a click before two sets of stairs slid out from the sides.

“Ah, smart cookie. How did you know that would work?” Eleanor asked, inspecting the newly discovered stairs.

“My friends Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had a similar architectural feature in their summer home, it led into their in-house microbrewery. Such a shame Angelina got it in the divorce, I always liked Brad more…” Tahani explained.

Eleanor tried to keep her jaw from dropping. “Is there any famous person you didn't know on Earth?” she asked incredulously.

Tahani giggled. “I knew a lot of famous people, but it's impossible to know all of them. And I was only close with a select few,” she said, dismissing the issue with a wave of her hand as she led Eleanor up the stairs to the bedroom. The women wandered around the tiny space, looking for nothing in particular but so far being disappointed in what they found.

“Wait, there's a remote on the bed,” Eleanor noticed, running over to pick it up and pressing the giant button in the middle. Both girls jumped when loud, cheerful music began blasting from behind them. A door slid out from each side of the opening into the room and met in the middle to make yet another giant clown painting.

“Oh my god, you've got to be forking kidding me,” the blonde muttered.

Tahani raised an eyebrow. “Weren't you the one who liked clowns?” she asked suspiciously.

“Oh! Well, you see, that what I wanted to talk to you about. So, um, I've known you for about nine minutes but I love you already, so I hope if I tell you that there's been a mixup…” Eleanor began explaining.

“What sort of mixup? I quite like you as well and I hope it's nothing-” Tahani began.

Eleanor was taken aback, blushing slightly. She paused and reconsidered her options. “Oh, it's uh, it's nothing. It's just that…I actually don't like clowns. I think Michael got it confused because one of my ex boyfriends really liked clowns so my house had a bunch of clown decor at one point that I never got a chance to remove because I…died…” the blonde quickly explained, hoping it was a good enough excuse. She wanted to tell her new jaw-droppingly hot soulmate the truth, but decided it wasn't the time yet.

“Ah, well that's nothing we can't fix! And for now we can sleep with the doors open, that thing is rather horrifying if I do say so myself,” Tahani assured, clasping one of Eleanor’s hands in both of hers.

“Oh, totally, totally. Totally. Ahem,” the shorter blonde agreed, her blush returning. “Well! Uh, shall we go see what was down that hallway?” she suggested.

Tahani grinned. “Absolutely, my darling! Lead the way, princess,” she said, dropping one of her hands so that only one was still interlocked with Eleanor’s.

Eleanor’s face contorted slightly at being called princess, but she quickly settled back into a smile. “Cool, cool,” she responded simply, making her way down the short flight of stairs and through the kitchen, Tahani close behind.

The pair rounded the corner and peered into what lay beyond the hallway.

“Looks like it is another bedroom,” Eleanor said simply as they stepped inside. Tahani dropped her hand and wandered off to the opposite side of the room.

“Marvelous choice of decor, but it could be a nicer shade of lilac…” the taller woman mused as she inspected the drapes.

“Ah, what a shame,” Eleanor offered unsympathetically.

“Indubitably, this color will always remind me of the time I spent believing that Michael Buble was writing songs about me, only for him to turn around and tell me we were only good mates and I was delusional,” Tahani replied with a sigh as she opened a door on the far wall and stepped into the adjacent room.

Eleanor wrinkled her nose, Tahani’s near constant asides about her celebrity connections becoming more than a little irritating.

Her train of thought was interrupted by a loud gasp from the other side of the room. “Oh. Oh my. Oh! My!” the brunette began stuttering excitedly.

The other woman chuckled slightly. “You find Narnia in there?” she asked, striding over to the open doorway.

“Even better! This closet…it’s like mine back on Earth but a million times better! More designers, more fabrics, the best colors…oh, Eleanor, I love the Good Place,” Tahani rambled, sighing as she ran her hands over each and every dress.

Eleanor leaned against the doorframe and shook her head slightly. She’d never understood some people’s interest in designer labels and high fashion, it all seemed so pointless to her.

 _“As long as it makes my soulmate happy,”_ she thought. That thought combined with watching Tahani gleefully parade around her new closet caused her to get hit with a sudden wave of guilt.

 _“I don’t belong here in the Good Place,”_ Eleanor thought, her stomach dropping suddenly.


	2. and everything will be okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor tries to reason her way through her situation while Tahani becomes unpredictable.

Shortly after the discovery of the closet, Eleanor told her soulmate that all of the day’s activity had done a number on her and she wanted to rest up for the welcome party. It gave her a good enough excuse to slip away and collect her thoughts. She made the ultimate sacrifice by closing the sliding doors to what was now unmistakably her bedroom. 

_ “Geez, the real Eleanor must be one interesting gal,” _ she thought as she stared at the horrifying clown mural in front of her. 

Quickly, she decided to get down to business. She rummaged through her side table and immediately found a drawer full of neatly stacked notebooks and cups full of pens. 

_ “So real Eleanor is a serious note taker and obsessive clown lover, how does she actually deserve to be here again?”  _ the blonde mused, pulling out the first notebook and a purple pen. She took off the cap with her teeth and flipped open the book to the first page. 

_ “Okay, okay, so, what I know so far. Real Eleanor deserves to be here because of her charity work in Uganda or whatever. I am here completely by accident. I have been given an extremely gorgeously hot soulmate. I tried to tell her the truth but couldn’t because when I tried to, her angelic little face got all sad, and I couldn’t bring myself to make it sadder. She has her downsides though, because I doubt I could ever care that much about designer clothes and whatever,”  _ she thought, working through what had happened so far and writing down the important highlights on a page she’d titled “What the Fork”, since apparently curse words were even somehow censored in writing. 

“This is just great,” Eleanor grumbled, dropping the open notebook onto her face. She was about to remove it and been writing again when she was interrupted by a timid knock on the other side of the terrifying mural. 

“Eleanor, my dear, I know you’ve had little time to rest, but I realized that the party is in an hour,” Tahani said from the other side. 

Eleanor sat up on the bed and reached for the remote that controlled the sliding doors, clicking them open. 

“An hour? I don’t need to start getting ready for another 55 minutes…” she mused as the doors locked into place and their accompanying music faded out. 

Tahani’s face fell slightly. “Well, I figured you would want that time to get ready, especially since I prefer arriving to gatherings at least a half an hour early. I follow my good friend Matt Damon’s theory that to be early is to be on time, and I assumed you would be the same way. You know, given that we’re soulmates and all,” she countered passive aggressively, clasping her hands together. 

Eleanor raised her eyebrows. “Oh! Well, uh, thanks for waking me! What I meant to say was that I am so glad that you came now, I usually like leaving 55 minutes early, actually. Just my groggy sleepy brain messing up there,” she stammered, frantically trying to remedy the situation. 

The taller woman beamed. “Alright then! I’ll go finish freshening up and leave you to do the same, do you have a powder room in here or require the use of mine?” she inquired. 

The blonde glanced around, desperately hoping that the two of them wouldn’t have to share said powder room. “Umm, nope! Mine’s right next to the closet,” she said, opening the door to her right and flicking on a switch to reveal a bathroom outfitted with the most clown decor they’d seen yet. Eleanor pondered for a moment if shower curtains and toothbrush holders that horrifying existed in the living world. 

Tahani wrinkled her nose. “Well, if you wish to escape that nightmare, just come down and see me, alright?”

Eleanor nodded. “I just may have to take you up on that offer,” she said, still gazing into the nightmarish bathroom, mystified. 

“Well, see you in a bit, my flower. Perhaps sooner rather than later,” the brunette said, taking one last horrified look into her soulmate’s bathroom before bouncing away in a poof of light pink and lilac skirts. 

The blonde shook her head as she watched the other woman glide away.  _ “Real Eleanor is into some really strange chicks,” _ she thought, laughing slightly as she shut the doors and their fanfare played. 

~~~

After selecting a comfortable, simple knee-length blue dress, Eleanor brought herself out of her room and across the house to Tahani’s quarters. She knocked weakly on the doorframe. 

“Knock knock, can I come in?” she asked softly, peering into the room. She didn't see Tahani anywhere and had taken one step inside to investigate when she was confronted with her half-naked soulmate. 

“Oh, of course! Apologies for being semi-nude, I assume you require use of the powder room?” the brunette bombshell asked, pulling on her bra. 

Eleanor made a point of keeping her eyes locked on the ceiling. “Yup! Do you always have to call it the powder room though?” she asked, slowly making her way through the bedroom to her objective. 

Tahani giggled. “Of course! You know Emma Watson was bringing it back right before we came here, I only met her once but she was such a down-to-earth person. I feel like we could have been mates,” she rambled. 

“Uh huh,” the blonde replied simply, pulling out the bag containing all the makeup she'd been able to scrounge from her own bathroom before getting too scared of the clown decor. 

“Also, Eleanor?” Tahani called. 

Eleanor peaked out of the bathroom. “Yes?”

“You don't have to always keep your eyes up, you know. I'm aware of how…enticing I can be,” the tall woman said, still only wearing undergarments as she was draped across her bed, pulling on pantyhose. 

“Alright, noted,” Eleanor said curtly, nodding and tearing her gaze away from where it had drifted to Tahani. 

The brown eyed woman laughed, then stopped and looked her soulmate up and down. “Eleanor, darling, are you planning on wearing that to the welcome gala tonight?” she asked, gesturing at her dress. 

“I mean, yes? Why do you ask?” Eleanor replied, tugging on the hem of the skirt. 

“Well, that’s a dress more suited to mid-morning socials or casual afternoon tea. Since you're here, let me just lend you something more suitable,” the tall brunette offered, springing up and bounding towards her closet.

Eleanor frowned as she followed, growing slightly irritated. “That's very generous, but there's no need. I like this dress,” she challenged. 

“Oh I like it too, dear, but societally imposed dress codes are something I take extremely seriously,” Tahani said absentmindedly as she reached the closet and began flipping through clothing as quickly as possible. 

The blonde tried to keep her eyes up as before, but was having a difficult time not noticing how each and every one of her soulmate’s voluptuous curves were on display. “Will any of your clothes even fit me?” she pondered aloud. 

“Oooo, this might!” Tahani squealed, pulling out a floor-length coral dress adorned with cream flowers along the billowing skirts. 

Eleanor attempted to mask her lack of enthusiasm. “Oh…great, that's great, I'll go try it on,” she said, confident that it wouldn't fit. She took the hanger from the brunette and shuffled into the bathroom, closing the door and beginning to remove her current dress. She tugged on the zipper, but it didn't budge. She pulled again, harder, and it remained stubbornly at the top. 

“Oh, fork,” she muttered before trying one last time. She defeatedly opened the door leading back to the bedroom. 

“Hey, Tahani? Can you help me unzip? It got stuck at the top,” Eleanor asked. 

The brunette was zipping up her own gown, though she dropped it and squealed when she heard her soulmate. “Of course, darling!” she answered, stepping out of the skirts gathered on the floor and walking over to Eleanor. 

“Oh, you’re uh, still not fully clothed, I see,” the blonde mumbled. 

Tahani ignored her and took her by the shoulders, spinning her around. She fiddled with the clasp that had become stuck for a moment, finally getting it unstuck and grinning triumphantly. 

“Got the clasp! I’ll go ahead and unzip it the rest of the way, just to make things easier,” she said, getting quieter as she went. She delicately took the zipper and began slowly moving it down, moving herself closer to Eleanor so that their bodies were almost completely flush. 

Eleanor laughed nervously as she felt Tahani’s breath on her neck. “Whatcha doing there, bud?” she asked, unsure of what exactly was happening. 

“Oh! Um, just getting your zipper undone,” Tahani replied, swiftly finishing the task and moving away from her soulmate. 

“Oh, I do not mind at all, don’t get me wrong. I was just trying to figure out the mood of the situation,” Eleanor reassured, matching Tahani’s game by slowly taking the dress straps off of her shoulders and letting it fall. 

The taller woman bit her lip. “Good to know, good to know…” she trailed off, bringing herself closer to Eleanor again by reaching out to rub her shoulders. 

The blonde’s breath hitched as her brunette soulmate leaned down and brought their faces closer together. 

“You know, this reminds me of my first kiss with Larry Hemsworth-“ Tahani started, cut off by Eleanor bolting away. 

“Aha, first kiss? Were we about to kiss just then?” she asked, nervously running her hands through her hair. 

Tahani blinked, stunned. “Well, I thought so. Given that we’re…you know, soulmates,” she grumbled, crossing her arms. 

Eleanor blinked in return. “Oh, yeah! I guess…I guess that would make sense. Maybe just…our first kiss should be a little more romantic,” she hastily explained, covering up her apprehension. 

The brunette smiled. “Of course, my love!! We’ll plan something soon,” she agreed, wrapping her arm around Eleanor’s shoulder and planting a kiss on her temple. 

The blonde turned bright red. “Alright! Ha, sounds great,” she said, quickly skirting out to the bathroom and clicking the door shut. 

  
Eleanor looked between the dress and her own reflection in the mirror.  _ “New rule for life in heaven: do anything you want, this is paradise after all, but whatever you do, don’t fall in love with Tahani.” _


	3. ‘cause I know that I am yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani and Eleanor get to the party and both make new friends.

Before she could fully comprehend what was happening, Eleanor was whisked away to the party in a coral gown that was far too long for her. The pair stood outside the mansion, the taller woman gawking at the facade while the blonde was attempting to hike up her skirts enough to be able to walk properly. 

“Oh, darling, don’t you just love the Rogerian columns? I haven’t seen such nice column work since I was at Diane Keaton’s house…” Tahani mused. 

“Uh huh, I too appreciate a good column. I love how they…keep buildings from falling apart,” Eleanor said, trying to agree but still irritated from struggling with the dress. 

Tahani laughed. “I suppose I will have to educate you on the many styles of architecture, not an interest we share, is it?” she asked.

“Nope, definitely not. The most I ever appreciated a column was when I ran into the Bubba Gump Shrimp sign with my car and it didn’t fall down and crush me. But two weeks later, in some crazy coincidence, an ex ran into it and it wrecked his car instead,” Eleanor responded proudly. 

“I’m beginning to think that there’s a lot I don’t know about you,” Tahani muttered, pursing her lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the blonde challenged, feeling more on edge. 

“Oh, nothing, darling! I only want to get to know you better,” the taller woman responded, setting a hand on her soulmate’s shoulder, “shall we?” she then proposed, gesturing towards the mansion’s front door. 

Eleanor shrugged off the comment. “Absolutely. Lead the way, my sweet flower,” she said, shifting into a fake British accent and offering her bent arm to the other woman. 

“Indubitably. I love that you’re beginning to pick up on the nicknames,” Tahani said, smiling and taking Eleanor’s arm. 

The pair entered the party and began taking in their surroundings. The gilded banisters of the grand staircase in the foyer was looped with shiny ribbons, large banquet tables adorned with the same ribbon lined the edges of the main room, and partygoers gathered around a bar with a marble tabletop. 

“Oh, Eleanor…this house is gorgeous…” Tahani said, sighing as she looked up at the ceiling and spun around.

Eleanor nodded curtly. “Of course. Um, I think I’m gonna go scope out the bar, want me to get you anything?” she asked, gesturing to the crowd. 

“Not at the moment, thank you, darling,” the brunette replied, entranced by the light of the chandeliers hanging in the dining room. 

“Alright,” the blonde said simply under her breath as she turned and took a step towards the bar. Before she could make it far, the fabric of her skirt that cascaded onto the floor bunched up at her feet. She tripped, falling flat on her face onto the cold marble floor. 

“Whoa, you okay down there?” a male voice asked from above Eleanor.

She grunted. “Obviously. I’m in heaven with my soulmate, who forced me to wear this giant stupid dress that just caused me to fall on my face onto a surprisingly hard floor, and I probably have a concussion,” Eleanor said, grumbling as she sat up and rubbed her forehead. 

The man laughed nervously. “Couldn’t you have said no to the dress?” he asked, holding out a hand to help the blonde up.

Eleanor took it and looked at her new acquaintance as she pulled herself back on her feet. “She’s too hot to refuse,” she explained, subtly examining everything about the man who had helped her up. She wondered how someone could be allowed to wear a sweater vest as ugly as his in heaven. 

“Ah, I see. I’m…glad that you got a gorgeous soulmate,” he said.

“Yours not such hot stuff?” Eleanor asked, amused. 

The man laughed again, more nervously than the last time. “No, not that. Michael said my soulmate was…my work. All I have is a shelf full of books and an endless supply of pens and paper so…just as heavenly as a beautiful woman, obviously,” he said, pushing up his glasses. 

Eleanor stifled a laugh. “Listen, Tahani might be the hottest, most mermaid-like goddess of a woman I’ve ever met, but I’m already starting to see the downsides. I might prefer the bookshelf by the end of the week,” she joked. 

“I mean, Michael knows best! All will work out soon, I’m sure. You with your mermaid and me with my…books,” the dark haired man said. 

“Ah ha, sure. By the way, I never caught your name?” the blonde woman responded. 

“Chidi. Anagonye,” he said, sticking out a hand. 

“I’m Eleanor. Shellstrop,” she responded, giggling at the formality as she took his hand and shook it firmly.

“Well, nice to meet you Eleanor. Thank you for being the first actual person to talk to me all night,” he said.

“Of course! Thank you for helping me up and letting me…vent…about my soulmate,” she responded, “now I am off to get one or seven drinks from the bar.”

Chidi gave an awkward salute. “See you around, Eleanor,” he said before turning and walking the other way. 

She grimaced and turned her own way to the bar. 

“Hello, can I please get four shots of your finest, strongest liquor?” Eleanor asked, leaning against the countertop. 

“Of course! Taking drinks to friends, what a good deed,” the bartender said as she reached for glasses. 

“Actually, they’re all for me. I need to get trashed,” the blonde corrected. 

“Fair enough. By the way, I’m Nicky. I run the kombucha place downtown,” the dark haired woman said, introducing herself as she poured out the shots. 

“Ah, only one of the twelve places that exist here for some reason, are you sure we’re in heaven?” Eleanor joked. 

“Ha, that’s a good one! Well, um, here’s your shots! Drink up,” Nicky said, placing the glasses up on the counter. 

“Excelente. I’ll see you around, and if you see me pulling my dress down while dancing on a table later, just do your best to stop me,” Eleanor said, doing her best to hike up her skirt and carry the shot glasses simultaneously. 

Nicky gave a fake laugh, then immediately spun around to see Michael on the other side of the bar. 

“Vicky? What’s up with her?” he asked, seeing the concerned look on her face. 

“Emergency. She’s already onto us,” she replied, eyes wide in terror. 


	4. and you are mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor decides to give Tahani a piece of her mind.

Eleanor downed the shots she'd collected from Vicky before she could cross from the bar to the parlor, where she expected to find Tahani. She decided that she needed to give her soulmate a piece of her mind. It hadn’t even been a day of living with her, but something had to be said preemptively. She quickly spotted Tahani in the parlor next to a banquet table and gasped.

“Tahani!” she exclaimed, rushing over to her soulmate, “Tahani…what kind of name is that?”

“Oh goodness, hello, darling! Are you feeling alright?” she asked, giving an apologetic glance to who she had been talking to before being interrupted. The other person gave a small uncomfortable smile and scurried off.

“Yeah I'm feeling so alright! I think heaven alcohol works faster than normal alcohol,” the blonde said cheerfully.

“Eleanor, you're not drunk, are you?” Tahani asked judgementally.

“I'm not drunk! I just need a nap. And to get out of this dress. I hate this stupid fucking dress…” the blonde muttered.

“I think we should…hold on a second, darling, you hate it? Why didn’t you say so?” Tahani asked, perplexed.

Eleanor chuckled. “You’re sooooo gorgeous. You think anyone could say no to you?” she said. She placed a hand on the side of her soulmate’s face and leaned forward to twirl a lock of her hair around her finger.

Tahani’s cheeks flushed. “Thank you darling, but um…could we not do this right now?” she said, pulling away.

The blonde gasped. “Am I embarrassing you?!” she exclaimed loudly. Several partygoers turned their heads in the direction of the commotion.

The brunette looked sheepishly at everyone who was suddenly paying attention to them. “No, you weren’t, but you are now!”

Her soulmate stood up from the couch. “Oh, I see how it is. You’re all, ‘I’m Tahani, I’m tight with Angelina Jolie and I love crumpets, so I’m ashamed of my Arizona trash bag soulmate’ but let me tell you something,” Eleanor started, putting on a poor mock British accent. “This Arizona trashbag needs some shrimpys. I know I saw some somewhere, can anyone tell me where the shrimp are?” she loudly called to the crowd that continued to grow.

“I do love crumpets, but I told you that I was closer with Brad Pitt! Furthermore, I am not ashamed of you in the slightest, but… you said you’re from Arizona?”

“Yes your majesty, I’m from Arizona! Born and raised and died,” Eleanor said with a grin, putting dramatic emphasis on the last word.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, it simply caught me off guard,” Tahani explained defensively.

Eleanor rolled her eyes. “Sure, sure. I’m sure that’s how it is, you stupid uppity giraffe,” she spat antagonistically.

Her soulmate gasped. “Eleanor! How…how could you say such a thing?! You don’t even know me yet.”

“I know enough, baby! Now I’m off to get my shrimp,” she replied, hiking up her skirt and beginning to turn around. The long coral layers became twisted up around Eleanor’s ankles and hindered her movement, despite her best attempts to prevent it from happening.

Tahani rushed forward and reached out to grab Eleanor by the arm. “Sweetie, why don’t we retire to our home? I’ll get you put to bed and make you a preemptive hangover cure,” she suggested. She let go of the blonde’s arm to take her gently by the shoulders, but Eleanor pushed her away.

“I don’t need a hangover cure…my mama didn’t raise no bitch,” she said, looking as if she was going to fall over again.

“Eleanor, please! Let me help you,” Tahani pleaded, reaching out to take her hands.

“I don’t need help! I can handle myse-” the blonde screeched right before she stumbled over her twisted up skirts and careened into a nearby table ladened with snacks.

Tahani clasped both hands over her mouth. “Eleanor? Are you alright?” she asked as she rushed over and knelt down next to her soulmate, who was lying on the collapsed table.

The blonde giggled, her laughter growing slowly over almost a minute. “I found the shrimp!” she declared triumphantly, holding one aloft before stuffing it in the top of her dress.

“Darling, I’m taking you home, okay?” Tahani insisted, holding out a hand to help Eleanor up.

“I said I didn’t need any help…hey! Chidi! Over here! I got shrimp!” Eleanor exclaimed, waving frantically to the other side of the room.

Chidi, who happened to be passing by on his way to the door, turned to see his new friend lying disheveled on a broken table. He rushed over quickly and joined Tahani in standing over her. “Hey, Eleanor! What’s…what happened?”

“I fell again because of this dumb, stupid dress that some idiot forced me into. But on the bright side, I’m swimming in shrimp!” Eleanor explained, placing emphasis on ‘dumb, stupid dress’ while glaring at Tahani.

“Here, why don’t I help you up and get you home?” Chidi offered, holding out a hand as Tahani had.

When Eleanor reached up to take it, her soulmate jumped in front of Chidi. “Now wait just a second, who are you?” she asked.

“A friend of Eleanor’s. And you’re…her mermaid-like soulmate?” he replied.

“Oh. She…she said that? That I’m mermaid-like?” Tahani said, bashfully flattered.

Eleanor finally stood up with Chidi’s help and winced. “I think me leggy hurt. I mean, my leggy’s hurt. I don’t think I can walk,” she said.

“Here, I’ve got you,” Chidi said before sweeping Eleanor off of her feet and cradling her bridal style.

“Bless you for helping. Our residence is right next door if you wouldn’t mind carrying her back. I’ll join you shortly,” Tahani said.

“No problem. I'll get her to bed and make sure she has a trash can beside her,” he offered.

Eleanor reached up and slapped the side of Chidi’s face. “Hey! Shellstrop women can handle their liquor!”

Chidi smiled down to her. “I'm sure you can. I'll still get you home,” he insisted.

Tahani mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him before disappearing into the crowd to continue to socializing, and likely to apologize for Eleanor’s behavior.

“Alright! Let's get you home and all comfy-cozy in your bed,” he cooed to the drunk woman in his arms.

“Whooo! I can't wait for you to see the horrifying clowns painted on the door to my room!” Eleanor exclaimed.

“Wait, if you think that they're horrifying, why are they on the door to your room in what is essentially heaven?” Chidi asked, extremely confused.

“Well, you see Chidster. I have something to tell you,” Eleanor said, moving up close enough to his ear that he could feel her breath on his neck.

“What is it, Eleanor?” he asked, giving a slightly amused smile, thinking she was going to spew more drunk observations.

“I don’t belong here!” she said.

“Whaaaat does that mean?” Chidi asked, his smile morphing into a nervous one.

“I’m not the real Eleanor. I don’t belong in the Good Place!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this update!! y'all already know that next is the dream sequence, hopefully I won't take six months to update again, but you never know.

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed this, please leave a comment with any throughts and opinions you may have!! nothing motivates me more than a couple of nice and well thought out comments, so that’s the best way of telling me if you want more. hopefully another chapter will be up soon, so see you all then!!


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